i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
