What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
