To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
