I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
