She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I have tasted many bathrooms
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
