I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
