I just threw up on my dentist
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
