i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
