Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
