The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
where does the pee come out of this thing
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
