Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
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