my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
