I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
