I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
