My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
