i was born a porn star she said
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Someone shattered a urinal.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
