Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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