Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
