That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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