not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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