Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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