Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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