wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
