absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
