Just fell off a train. Bad.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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