a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
