the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
