I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
