Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
