Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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