I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I need to stop coming to work sober
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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