I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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