Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
