You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
