By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
