the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
