Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
