he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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