he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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