You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
