Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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