I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
