I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she smelled like a LAN party
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
