I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
