I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
