I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
foreskin is a definite game changer
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
