All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
