I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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