youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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