will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
