im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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