Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
