And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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