So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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