I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
